I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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