The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
