Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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