God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
