4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
