shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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