Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
