as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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