Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
