I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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