There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
