I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
