My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
