I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
