call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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