I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
