Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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