We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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