OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
