I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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