I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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