ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
