I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just found puke in my bra..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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