After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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