I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
