mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
