Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
