Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
