i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
