Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
