is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
