You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
