I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
