dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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