Betty ford says i'm here all night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
