There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
