Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
