I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
