i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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