i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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