At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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