If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
