clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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