3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
