Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
false alarm. still invincible.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
