It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
