laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
