Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
