You smell like stripper and shame
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
