bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
