Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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