I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
