I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
