if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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